Happy 2011

First post of 2011. Here we go.

There's a lot going on this year.

My sister is getting married.
I'm graduating (!).
I will potentially (read: HOPEFULLY) get a big kid job.

So I thought I'd set my new year's resolutions accordingly:
1. Accept change with patience, understanding, and optimism.
2. Be ready.

Whenever I come home, waves of nostalgia rush over me, and I find myself navigating between the world of big kid and young daughter so much more than usual. When I'm at home, people care what time I'm home at night, someone else cooks me dinner, and it's someone else's house. I don't feel like a guest at home, but I do feel a little less entitlement than I do when I'm away. That's not a bad thing at all, it's just different, and it takes a bit of getting used to. On one hand, it's so nice to be home, to feel taken care of, and to have home-cooked meals. On the other hand, though, I find myself yearning for my independence and to go back to school where I know no one's watching my every move. It's when I'm home that I can't help but think so much about these upcoming months. I'm graduating.

... graduating.


I don't know if its the weird back-to-a-kid feeling I get when I'm home or the realization that my kid room is so far back in my past and so different from who I am now that makes me just shocked at the thought of graduating. Or of my sister getting married. Things are changing. And all I can think is wow.

I'm not a big one for resolutions, but I'm going to truly attempt to stick to these ones. Everyone knows I have a problem with change. I don't deal with it well. I never have. I'm addicted to home and the past and the way things are, and I'm terrified of these being the last moments of life as-is. But I'm starting to realize how inevitable this all is--I can't just NOT graduate... my sister IS getting married. And I'm happy about those things, but I want to stay happy even up to the moment it happens. There's SO much yet to come, and I'm genuinely excited about it all... I just want to stay that way, even as it gets closer. I want to stay as ready for all those moments as I am right now.