I'm supposed to be studying (who are we kidding, I'm always supposed to be studying), but I'm not. Lo siento. Today was crazy. It started off horrible, and it hasn't ended yet. I'm hopeful that from this point on, despite all the studying, it'll only get better--at the very least, the end of this day will bring the beginning of a new tomorrow. And isn't that what spring is all about?
This has been a year of challenges. I'm proud of how I've handled things and risen above what in the past would have taken me down and broken me. That's an awful thing to admit, but it's true. Though I think I feel it every year, I'm going to say it again: this is the year I made great strides to finding myself--to figuring myself out--to finding out what I believe and what I'm willing to do in sticking to those beliefs. I'm not talking faith (although at times that's a part of it), but simply my own convictions. I'm one of those people that would typically rather avoid confrontation than stand my ground and risk alienating myself or others. This year, I think that changed--though not as much as it could have, I've made great strides.
I apologize for this sounding vague, but it's made me wonder: what does it mean to "find yourself?" I've realized that I think about it all the time--that I decide in my head that I've "found myself," or even sometimes that I've "lost myself." But then at random moments, I sit back and laugh, because how can I lose myself when myself is all I have? Regardless of how confused I am or how much I want to be someone other than who I am, I am still me. Myself. I. Is it simply a matter of clarity and being able to verbalize what I believe that justifies my having "found myself," or is there something more to it? Is it in the actions I take?
I'd love to know your thoughts.
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