Today, (well, yesterday, but I really truly discovered it today) my car started leaking antifreeze, the orange stuff that keeps the engine from overheating. Every time I stopped at a stop light/sign/whathaveyou, white smoke would come out from under the hood of my car. And when you're as paranoid as I am, white smoke, even just a little, is not okay. Thoughts start racing through my head: "My car's going to blow up. My CAR is going to blow up. My car is going to BLOW up. My car is going to blow UP." And I go frantic when I can't reach my parents on their cell phone (I don't care if I'm 20 or not, my dad can fix anything.) Unfortunately, the problem is ultimately up to me to fix, as my parents are 3 hours away. They're helpful, yes, but the solving the problem is, in the end, completely up to me.
And then, due to my damn writer's brain, I started thinking about my life, and I'm pretty sure that this month my emotional persona has been leaking antifreeze. I mean, when I really sit and think about it, I feel like that's what it is. All of these little things have been piling on top of each other... all these little worries I'm harboring about the sick/dying/missing people in my life have created enough pressure that something's snapped a little. You can smell the bitchiness in the air a little more than normal, and that little gauge is inching dangerously close to the danger zone (ignore my redundancy in that statement. Maybe I'll think of better words later). My point is, where do you find a mechanic to fix that kind of leak? I need more antifreeze... more anti-emotional flip-out shit. And unfortunately, as much as my parents and friends try to help me, ultimately, it's up to me. Even though many of them are dealing with the same stuff I am right now, though, they don't run the same way I do... and it takes personal mechanic-ness (word choice... help!) to figure out what to do.
Apologies if my metaphor wasn't quite on par, but that's literally what's been going through my head. I have absolutely no control over any of the issues I'm worried about, but I DO have control over my reaction. (What's that cheesy saying? "Life is 10% what happens and 90% how you react to it?" or something?) My first step in repairing the leak in my emotional persona (I'm going to name her Mandy... I think it's a pretty name) was to spend the whole weekend locked in my room (this was also due partly to rain... I wasn't being a completely anti-social bitch) doing arts and crafts. The end result: a new piece of art, a bite into the chunk of christmas presents I have to give, reduced stress levels, and a LITTLE patch of one broken pipe has been slightly repaired.
Now the question is, what is going to happen to my car?
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