New Earmolds: OUCH.

I thought I'd do a vlog today about my new earmolds plus a little background information about the anatomy of a hearing aid and just random thoughts about them that I was babbling about. I tried to do captioning and can't quite figure it out. Anyone who knows how to do this, help! Also, I know most people could care less about it. I guess I just wanted to put it on there so that people who are curious can see. I know so many of my friends have waited years before they've asked me anything about my hearing aids because they were afraid to (I have no idea why... am I really that scary?). So... yeah. Just givin' a shout out to the deaf community :)

Also, check THIS out, in the future kids can get Spongebob Squarepants hearing aids! I'm not sure I would have been comfortable having them because I was mainstream and always wanted to be inconspicuous, but I think this is awesome that kids have the option to do this! So cool!

Here's the real reason for this blog that I was attempting to get at with my first post. I'm hearing impaired. Hard-of-hearing (HOH). Deaf, basically. I don't like putting that on the web, but whatever. It's there and it's out, and I want this to be real me, real stuff. I'm not going to spill my guts or my life story, but I'm gonna' take risks. So yeah.

Anyhoo. I'm in love with Marlee Matlin. I have been since I saw her in Children of a Lesser God years ago and then as a guest on a very special episode of Extreme Home Makeover. Unfortunately, I couldn't find a link to the episode of Extreme Home Makeover, but it featured two deaf parents with two hearing sons, the younger of whom was blind and autistic. Matlin made an appearance as a deaf celebrity/inspiration. (The episode also featured my favorite charity, the Starkey Hearing Foundation, which provides hearing aids to the deaf and HOH in poor communities who would otherwise never get the opportunity to hear.) Anyways, she gave this awesome speech at Google about advocacy for the deaf and hearing impaired in the age of Internet technology, specifically speaking mostly about captioning for broadband videos. It's amazing and ridiculously inspiring. She's such an amazing woman and she has such courage that I don't think I have yet to speak boldly about her disability. It's just awesome.

THEN I found this amazing video, called Deaf Family, which Matlin is promoting (I think she might have been involved in the production of it too) and hoping to get on TV. The pilot is awesome, and it's something that people need to see-- this is a woman that is doing things for the world and for her community especially. She's advocating for a group that physically oftentimes doesn't have a voice, and that's so commendable in my opinion. Okay. I'm shutting up. Just watch:

Spring Awakenings

I'm supposed to be studying (who are we kidding, I'm always supposed to be studying), but I'm not. Lo siento. Today was crazy. It started off horrible, and it hasn't ended yet. I'm hopeful that from this point on, despite all the studying, it'll only get better--at the very least, the end of this day will bring the beginning of a new tomorrow. And isn't that what spring is all about?

This has been a year of challenges. I'm proud of how I've handled things and risen above what in the past would have taken me down and broken me. That's an awful thing to admit, but it's true. Though I think I feel it every year, I'm going to say it again: this is the year I made great strides to finding myself--to figuring myself out--to finding out what I believe and what I'm willing to do in sticking to those beliefs. I'm not talking faith (although at times that's a part of it), but simply my own convictions. I'm one of those people that would typically rather avoid confrontation than stand my ground and risk alienating myself or others. This year, I think that changed--though not as much as it could have, I've made great strides.

I apologize for this sounding vague, but it's made me wonder: what does it mean to "find yourself?" I've realized that I think about it all the time--that I decide in my head that I've "found myself," or even sometimes that I've "lost myself." But then at random moments, I sit back and laugh, because how can I lose myself when myself is all I have? Regardless of how confused I am or how much I want to be someone other than who I am, I am still me. Myself. I. Is it simply a matter of clarity and being able to verbalize what I believe that justifies my having "found myself," or is there something more to it? Is it in the actions I take?

I'd love to know your thoughts.

Just a little inspiration

Here's a video for you of a song that sums up my thoughts on life at the moment. It kind of works with everything going on in my life--relationships and also kind of just that feeling of not wanting to miss a moment. I miss enough moments as it is unintentionally...why let that happen when it can be prevented? The chorus is kind of becoming my motto, and the rest of the song is just amazing, whether you apply it literally or in some other way. I'm shutting up now. Just watch and listen. Here's the lyrics: Don't Wanna Miss a Thing by Aerosmith

Why I Blog

I started this blog in high school. I was mad at a boy, and I wanted a way to say what I needed to say. I didn't tell anyone about it, didn't put my name on it, didn't put his name in it, and essentially it was secret. I used a secret name and said nothing specific. No details that would hint at anything. But somehow, it made me feel better to put my thoughts and my pain into this vacuum of the web so it would be somewhere. I had this idea in my head that someone somewhere was reading it and that that someone understood what I was going through, or at least had some sort of sympathy for me.

Eventually, the boy became an issue of little concern, and I started posting about struggles I had in other areas of my life--religion, family, and my own personal struggles. Fast-forward to college. I'm a journalism and writing double major. Both curricula require me to share my story--make myself vulnerable. So here I am. This isn't a secret anymore. Here's my life. My collection of random thoughts, poems, and perspectives on everything. Enjoy.